Warning: Not for the Faint of Hearted (Explicit Content)

I'm going to start out by saying What the FUCK??!?! (MAJOR SPOILERS ALERT IN ALL CASES! Those being the movie in question, Atonement, The Painted Veil, Clerks II, The Punisher, Message in a Bottle, and Titanic.)

(Note by Wolverina: the foul language has been "whited" out so if you want to read the bad words, highlight the text. I hope that helps Bob ;)- Updated 9-22-08)

My Mom shows me a new movie they got called Griffin & Phoenix. It's got two cuties in it: Dermot Mulroney and Amanda Peet. And it's got all the looks of a fun romantic comedy with two decent performers.

Case in Point: This movie is NOT a comedy. I'll give it romantic, since romantic doesn't necessarily mean that it will be a love story with a happy ending. Romance doesn't necessarily mean "love". In fact, it can be completely opposite to what other believes is just a short story. According to Wikipedia:

"Many medieval romances recount the marvellous adventures of a chivalrous, heroic knight, often of super-human ability, who, abiding chivalry's strict codes of honour and demeanour, goes on a quest, and fights and defeats monsters and giants, thereby winning favour with a lady. The story of the medieval romance focuses not upon love and sentiment, but upon adventure."

I learned that way on in English Lit, when they talked about Romance, that didn't mean I was going to read my love story, it was going to be something more than that. Maybe we'd see the "favour with a lady" but not typically. Yet, when a movie in this day and age describes it's genre as a romantic comedy - it is widely assumed that it is the typical "chick flick."

Wikipedia's definition of Romantic Comedy Movies:
"Romantic comedy films, colloquially known as romcom, are movies with light-hearted, humorous plotlines, centered around romantic ideals such as a true love able to surmount most obstacles. Romantic comedy films are a sub-genre of comedy films as well as of romance films. Because of their appeal to women, romantic comedies are sometimes dismissed as "chick flicks"."

Typically there are a series of events that leads to two people who fall in love - and they all live happily ever after and shit. That is the kind of romantic comedy I expect when I learn that about a movie. I do NOT expect a sappy - depressing story about two TERMINALLY ILL people falling in love. I am sure the writer wanted to let the audience know that the point of his story is to live life to it's fullest since it can be so short and quick. I get that. I understand it. I know it. I think it's one of the worst things in this universe. I don't however want to sit through 102 fucking minutes of two people living the life they never tried before they were diagnosed with cancer.

We all know that cancer is a very REAL, very SCARY thing! Yes it can happen to anyone at any time for NO reason whatsoever! And it is typically painful! Had this movie described itself as: A heartwarming romantic drama that will touch your hearts and understand the importance of love....I may have been more forgiving. But no: this movie, and i quote, states: "Amanda Peet and Dermot Mulroney star in this heartwarming romantic COMEDY about first impressions, last chances, and the enduring power of love."

Bull. Fucking. Shit.

COMEDY when it is related to a movie should include something FUNNY! Or something witty that makes you think and laugh and yes cry too. Nicholas Sparks is an author that does the same type of things. But you know just by reading the description of that book into movie that it is going to be sad. Take another depressing movie I've seen is "Message in a Bottle," where the description says "Kevin Costner as Garret and Robin Wright Penn as Theresa bring high voltage starpower to Message in a Bottle, a tale of love lost and found based on Nicholas Sparks' bestseller. 'You Choose - the past or the future. Pick one and stick with it,' Garret's spry father Dodge (Paul Newman) advises. The advise sticks. So does the impact of this tender, movingly filmed tale." No where in that description, nor the rest on the DVD box EVER mentions that it's a comedy. Cause it ISN'T!! The guy fucking dies as he realizes Theresa is more important than everything else he's done with his life! Too late for him though.

If the writer for Griffen & Phoenix wants to compete with Mr. Sparks, let the audience know!! Don't try to chalk it off like a god damned "romantic comedy." I love Romeo and Juliet- Shakespeare says it right out in the front that the two lovers die. I also enjoyed The Painted Veil and even Atonement although not NEARLY as much as Mia did, and I found that The Painted Veil was a much better story-a well done DRAMA. And yet in Atonement both characters die. That's fine- it is what the story is and is well told. AND THEY DON'T SAY IT'S A COMEDY!!!

What I've experienced through my studies and life, Comedy doesn't always mean that it will be funny to everyone. After all, Greeks were heavy into Comedy - but their Comedy is not like an American Romantic Comedy. It is more tragic comedy and twisted fuckers that do some crazy shit - like Monty Python as Defined by Wikipedia as a social satire. Makes more sense to me!

"Comedy was one of two principal drama forms in ancient Greece, the other being tragedy. Athenian comedy is conventionally divided into three periods, Old Comedy, Middle Comedy, and New Comedy.

The most important dramatist of the Old Comedy was Aristophanes. His works define the legacy of Old Comedy, with their pungent political satire and abundance of sexual and scatological innuendo. Aristophanes lampooned the most important personalities and institutions of his day, as can be seen in his buffoonish portrayal of Socrates in The Clouds, and in his anti-military farce Lysistrata.

The Old Comedy subsequently influenced later European writers such as Rabelais, Cervantes, Swift, and Voltaire. In particular, they copied the technique of disguising a political attack as buffoonery.

The legacy of Old Comedy can be seen in contemporary times in political satires such as Dr. Strangelove and in the televised buffoonery of Monty Python and Saturday Night Live"

No where do I get from Greek Comedy that comedy should be about 2 dying people being in love -there should be more to it than that. If the writer, John Hill, wants to make a "heartwarming" story about love, tell the people that it's going to be a sobb fest so they know to avoid it. Had I saw this in the movie theater, I'd have walked out. If I had purchased this DVD ($5 is what my parents got it for) I would be either running it over with my Nitro now instead of writing this bitching of a blog or getting ready to burn it the next time I go to the desert. As it happens, I could not finish this one. I walked out of the room. I was already crying and doing my best to not SOB until I went to bed crying. I took a shower and tried to wash away the depression of the movie.

After this posting, I'm going to be watching Clerks II - a movie that is a COMEDY which involves fly and piss in an asshole's burger and drink and some Interspecies Erotica. (That was totally unexpected and I could honestly do without.) But it is Kevin Smith, a man I truly admire - for his ingenuity and his foul fucking language. A writer/director who has no qualms about telling you like it is and doing whatever the fuck he wants in a movie.

Lastly, if you are one of those people that ADORED Message in a Bottle and every other depressing movie that Hollywood thinks all women want to see, then by all means - spend the 5 bucks on this movie and enjoy crying through the whole thing. I myself, would rather watch Clerks II or The Punisher - where at least the people that kill Frank's family gets their fucking punishment. I'd even settle for Atonement or even Titanic. At least Titanic doesn't make you go through 102 minutes of a death scene that you thought was going to make you laugh.